Wetting Day

Winter, Summer song & Spring
Autumn’s married daughters

Castles built of fragile sprig
Falling into waters

Fetch a pail, Boy! Bail us out!
The tides they swallow limbs!

Not this time, you hold too much!
You scoffed. I learnt to swim

Autumn, Winter, Old Man Death
Spring pedals line a grave

Gold and pearls adorn in vain
What money couldn’t save

Lining streets a solemn mass
Black coats and salty tears

Respects to dead deposits
Neglect to calm one’s fears

sidewalk angel

simple sidewalk angel
i've waited to touch your wings
with glowing eyes and peaceful heart
i've wondered where you've been
could i follow you to the end of time?
or, back from the edge of the earth?
if i took your hand tonight,
would i see the universe?

lovely sidewalk angel
my heart has ached in your absence
i could not find my way for long
without your watchful guidance
but with you close my eyes are wide
seeking that brilliant light
the sun, the stars, the moon that shine
that spear the burdening night

quiet sidewalk angel
i wish that i knew what is to come
fear can sometimes keep me from
the rewards i might otherwise have won
but knowing may neither give me will
nor the strength to follow those dreams
perhaps i'll continue day to day
learning about what life means

White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes

Hey babe, I know you have not been feeling very sexy lately. Does that mean that you have not been feeling attractive to yourself or to me? I understand how one cannot feel attractive, but it is a strange trick to play on one's self. If you sat on your hand for a long enough time to make it dead, and then punched yourself in the nose with that hand, you might be tempted to blame that hand for it's intended harm. In the same way, I think you are tricking yourself to not feel attractive, because you do not know that you are responsible for your own self-perceptions. Secondly, you cannot control how I feel about you. You could try and make yourself more sexy through great external expenses, but you know that their is nothing more unattractive then falsity. Confidence is the great attractor.
I just want you to know that you are responsible for your own self-perceptions. To become dependent on another's opinion is to be a slave, like an addict who cannot live without externally induced pleasure. You could either remain a slave, or you can take charge. You can try and foster some kind of everlasting optimism, but what goes up must come down. Or, what I would recommend is to practicing having no opinions about self at all.
You might feel that because we have entered into a deep relationship, that my opinions about you are most important, but I would argue the contrary. When our relationship became a spiritual aknowledgement, it became, I would argue, a safe-haven not for the ego, but for the soul. Within the bounds of this relationship we have the freedom and the understanding to drop expectations, drop opinions, and practice living without self. That is what the rings on our fingers mean to me.
However, I know that it is not practical in this life to go on uncaring about the opinions of others, especially as we are not perfect. I am trying to take it up as practice though, and prefer to take up relationship contracts, whereby one tries to meet the expectations of others, in the same spirit of play that children adopt when they do make-beleive. Kids take on characters and play roles, but drop them just as suddenly in response to being called in for supper. That is, that our expectations should not be laws. In a storm, the most unbending trees are the ones that always break.

Love
your boy

Becoming Home

I see many unsatisfied individuals every day.  People, like myself, that seem uncomfortable in the life that they have chosen.  People that are disappointed with their job,  possibly unhappy with the world that they live in, or might be suffering from relationship woes.  Or maybe they are broke, or sick, or stressed from work, or unhappy with their health or physique.  Unable to help because they can't find help for themselves. 

Whatever it is the hinderance, I think I can relate to it.  I relate to it in a haze of admiration in a way, because in my world, any of those things would break my day.  If I were unhappy, I wouldn't be able to go to work.  I would be half of myself.  I dont know what motivates the unhappy person to get up and go every morning at seven. 

  I hope that my happiness is a reflection of goodness, rather than a lack of badness.  

I need to love everything around me before I can love the places I go to.

for lovin' me by gordon lightfoot

that's what you get for lovin' me
that's what you get for lovin' me
ev'ry thing you had is gone
as you can see
that's what you get for lovin' me
i ain't the kind to hang around
with any new love that i found
cause movin' is my stock and trade
i'm movin' on
i won't think of you when i'm gone

so don't you shed a tear for me
b'cause i ain't the love you thought i'd be
i got a hundred more like you
so don't be blue
i'll have a thousand 'fore i'm through

now there you go you're cryin' again
now there you go you're cryin' again
but then some day when your poor heart
is on the mend
well i just might pass this way again

that's what you get for lovin' me
that's what you get for lovin' me
ev'ry thing you had is gone
as you can see
that's what you get for lovin' me
that's what you get for lovin' me

Remembering ZeD