every little worker looks so happy taking orders
it’s incredible
they keep in line
holding up the colony’s
inner column walls
it’s magnificent
a curious design
that I should fly to plant my seed
in the queen of the honeybees
after all
she’ll definitely kill me
go back to here throne
and do it again
to another stingless drone
hurry supersedure
keeper please don’t keep her
every little worker seems so busy making honey
still I am here
in the mating yard
just waiting for my fate to change
though it never will
I still find it strange
a touch bizarre
that I’m to think these thoughts alone
with the queen of the honeybees
barely buying time
she’s too far past her prime now
breeding only drones
by summer's end
she’ll be overthrown
hurry supersedure
workers choose another virgin leader
Friday, April 24, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
to my love
i'm sorry for
... all the times i neglected or ignored you
... giving you the cold shoulder instead of giving you an explanation
... not asking how your day was
... forgetting when you told me something that was important to you
... not leaving enough milk for your morning coffee
... missing an event that you asked me to attend
... saying things i didn't mean when i was angry
... making you angry just so i could be angry too
... not giving you space when you asked, and when you didn't ask
... expecting things that were not in your nature
... demanding things that were not in your nature
... not properly acknowledging when you did things that were not in your nature
... letting you leave without kissing you goodbye
... not telling you exactly how much you changed me for the better
but, thank you for
... putting up with my family
... helping me try new foods
... letting me wear your sweater
... bringing me flowers for no reason
... calling me when you knew i needed it although i wouldn't admit it
... letting me cry, even over silly things
... teaching me about the part of myself i have to be very quiet to hear
... getting me to paint
... pushing me enough to make scary decisions that made me happy
... trusting me with your thoughts
... treating me like an equal
... encouraging me to question authority
... inspiring me to write
... telling me the truth
... all the times i neglected or ignored you
... giving you the cold shoulder instead of giving you an explanation
... not asking how your day was
... forgetting when you told me something that was important to you
... not leaving enough milk for your morning coffee
... missing an event that you asked me to attend
... saying things i didn't mean when i was angry
... making you angry just so i could be angry too
... not giving you space when you asked, and when you didn't ask
... expecting things that were not in your nature
... demanding things that were not in your nature
... not properly acknowledging when you did things that were not in your nature
... letting you leave without kissing you goodbye
... not telling you exactly how much you changed me for the better
but, thank you for
... putting up with my family
... helping me try new foods
... letting me wear your sweater
... bringing me flowers for no reason
... calling me when you knew i needed it although i wouldn't admit it
... letting me cry, even over silly things
... teaching me about the part of myself i have to be very quiet to hear
... getting me to paint
... pushing me enough to make scary decisions that made me happy
... trusting me with your thoughts
... treating me like an equal
... encouraging me to question authority
... inspiring me to write
... telling me the truth
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Post-Industrial Awakenings
1. Snorkeling in a lagoon, on a golf course beside a giant pig barn, searching for lost golf balls, because each ball is worth 75 cents.
It’s a recession you know.
2. Petting a dolphin at a roadside aquarium in Florida during the Gulf War.
The dolphin, being a bit bruised and claustrophobic, acted harshly and somewhat violent with its oppressors.
3. Poolside at the condo, a boy flew his toy airplane off a 4th floor balcony right into my brother’s face. He proceeded to apologize with great intent. Luckily no damage done.
4. In the arcade, underneath the tower, we tried so desperately to grab a stupid toy with a fumbling robotic arm. We must have pumped a hundred quarters into that machine; it was either that or shuffleboard with the old folks.
5. Sitting in a car, in mediocre weather, watching the mammoth highway signs go by, and drawing pictures on the foggy backseat window, it all made sense in my head.
It’s a recession you know.
It’s a recession you know.
2. Petting a dolphin at a roadside aquarium in Florida during the Gulf War.
The dolphin, being a bit bruised and claustrophobic, acted harshly and somewhat violent with its oppressors.
3. Poolside at the condo, a boy flew his toy airplane off a 4th floor balcony right into my brother’s face. He proceeded to apologize with great intent. Luckily no damage done.
4. In the arcade, underneath the tower, we tried so desperately to grab a stupid toy with a fumbling robotic arm. We must have pumped a hundred quarters into that machine; it was either that or shuffleboard with the old folks.
5. Sitting in a car, in mediocre weather, watching the mammoth highway signs go by, and drawing pictures on the foggy backseat window, it all made sense in my head.
It’s a recession you know.
Friday, April 10, 2009
The straight and winding road to Nirvana
Surfing the yin yang on a board of alcoholic contemplation
To the shores of utter disappointment
Only to be chased further by
Nihilistic visions over two city blocks on a unicycle
Makes one happy to wake up sweaty
Thus realizing that it was all a bittersweet dream
And coffee never tasted so good
After nights spent soaked in
The perspiration of chasing God
To the shores of utter disappointment
Only to be chased further by
Nihilistic visions over two city blocks on a unicycle
Makes one happy to wake up sweaty
Thus realizing that it was all a bittersweet dream
And coffee never tasted so good
After nights spent soaked in
The perspiration of chasing God
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
i am still
Lately, I have been reflecting on why people so often answer the question, “How are you?” with “I’m busy”. Is busyness really the reality of that many people’s lives? Is it more socially acceptable to say “I’m busy” than to answer “There’s not much going on”? Or, is this common response just a habit? I think all of these reasons apply.
As someone who often feels “busy”, I have come to the realization that it is often the high expectations I put on myself that keep me in a constant state of “busyness”. I often feel busy, but I can also choose to do things differently to reduce the stress in my life.
In some ways, we can all become prisoners of our own mindsets. Is it really necessary to be so busy all the time? Perhaps, if we didn’t want so much we wouldn’t be so busy. Of course, I am aware that everyone has responsibilities and commitments. However, there are always choices about what we do. Do we want too much? Are we trying to do too much? What is all the anxiety about?
Over one million people in Canada suffer from depression and anxiety. One of the factors that exacerbate both psychiatric disorders is the fast pace of today’s lifestyles. This is compounded when we also hold high expectations of ourselves because we tend to overload our schedules with all the things we think we “should” do. And, if we don’t do them, we may end up feeling guilty. What an endless negative cycle to put yourself through!
We may be trying to be the ideal parent, the outstanding employee, the perfect partner, or the inexhaustibly caring friend. Inevitably, we cannot continue to do everything these roles may demand. Overwhelming ourselves with too many activities can actually prevent us from doing anything well.
The quality of what we can give suffers when we demand too much of ourselves. The way in which we give or do something can make all the difference, for both the giver and the receiver. If we can genuinely share a part of ourselves for a few minutes with someone else, both people can feel a deeper sense of satisfaction and understanding in the connection. Simply put, it feels good. The giver can feel good about sharing authentically, and the receiver will pick up the fact that the other person is present and feel valued.
We can help ourselves develop more realistic expectations of ourselves by:
* being compassionate, gentle, and fair with ourselves,
* saying no when we need to,
* placing some limits on our time,
* consciously choosing our priorities, and
* spending time with the people we truly care about (not with people who drain us).
Through listening to ourselves, we can be truly present to others and enjoy their company. By not overloading ourselves with activities and responsibilities, we can find deeper satisfaction in the experiences we do have. Moreover, we can find a fuller life in a simplified one. So, the next time someone asks you how you are, why not say “I am still”, and listen to the other person? While experiencing your own centredness, it just might feel so good that you will want to do it again.
Suzanne Welstead
April 2009
---
above is the "thought of the month" from one of my personal mentors. i am currently in the process of reading her first book, Searching for You: Ideas about Healthy Relationships, and i am finding so many "ah-ha" moments. if you appreciate reading the narrative of another person's realisations, then i would recommend this book to you. even if you're in healthy relationships, consider this a good reminder of the things you may forget from day to day.
As someone who often feels “busy”, I have come to the realization that it is often the high expectations I put on myself that keep me in a constant state of “busyness”. I often feel busy, but I can also choose to do things differently to reduce the stress in my life.
In some ways, we can all become prisoners of our own mindsets. Is it really necessary to be so busy all the time? Perhaps, if we didn’t want so much we wouldn’t be so busy. Of course, I am aware that everyone has responsibilities and commitments. However, there are always choices about what we do. Do we want too much? Are we trying to do too much? What is all the anxiety about?
Over one million people in Canada suffer from depression and anxiety. One of the factors that exacerbate both psychiatric disorders is the fast pace of today’s lifestyles. This is compounded when we also hold high expectations of ourselves because we tend to overload our schedules with all the things we think we “should” do. And, if we don’t do them, we may end up feeling guilty. What an endless negative cycle to put yourself through!
We may be trying to be the ideal parent, the outstanding employee, the perfect partner, or the inexhaustibly caring friend. Inevitably, we cannot continue to do everything these roles may demand. Overwhelming ourselves with too many activities can actually prevent us from doing anything well.
The quality of what we can give suffers when we demand too much of ourselves. The way in which we give or do something can make all the difference, for both the giver and the receiver. If we can genuinely share a part of ourselves for a few minutes with someone else, both people can feel a deeper sense of satisfaction and understanding in the connection. Simply put, it feels good. The giver can feel good about sharing authentically, and the receiver will pick up the fact that the other person is present and feel valued.
We can help ourselves develop more realistic expectations of ourselves by:
* being compassionate, gentle, and fair with ourselves,
* saying no when we need to,
* placing some limits on our time,
* consciously choosing our priorities, and
* spending time with the people we truly care about (not with people who drain us).
Through listening to ourselves, we can be truly present to others and enjoy their company. By not overloading ourselves with activities and responsibilities, we can find deeper satisfaction in the experiences we do have. Moreover, we can find a fuller life in a simplified one. So, the next time someone asks you how you are, why not say “I am still”, and listen to the other person? While experiencing your own centredness, it just might feel so good that you will want to do it again.
Suzanne Welstead
April 2009
---
above is the "thought of the month" from one of my personal mentors. i am currently in the process of reading her first book, Searching for You: Ideas about Healthy Relationships, and i am finding so many "ah-ha" moments. if you appreciate reading the narrative of another person's realisations, then i would recommend this book to you. even if you're in healthy relationships, consider this a good reminder of the things you may forget from day to day.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
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